In this journey of self discovery I’ve been on, I realize how very different I can be on any given day with various people. There are times when I cannot open my mouth to articulate the words to express feelings and thoughts that I can’t even begin to understand within myself. At other times, I am furiously typing away simultaneously petrified that the words and thoughts coming from my mind will be too much for the reader to bear, and equally petrified that if I don’t release my thoughts, they’ll suffocate me.
I am finding there are others like me. They feel so very much, so very, very deeply that their words get caught up in their minds, or they can’t even express them. Then there are others who pretend. They pretend to feel because in pretending to feel, they are able to read others and mimic and manipulate others. There was a time in my life when the fear of being manipulated by others would have left me paralyzed and unable to express myself. I will no longer live there.
Feelings are ugly, and beautiful, and poignant, and dirty, and precious, and when we try to sanitize life, it becomes cold and grey, and I do not want to live in a cold, grey world. I am desperate to live in a world where people can find safe places to confess their fears, their joys, their desires, their dreams in all the ugly beauty that surrounds them. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? Are you scared to share it? So am I, but I share it anyway, and dare to believe that someone out there will hear, feel, understand. What is it that you need to say?