I have become convinced that in 1945, the Allied forces could have saved millions of dollars in research and spared countless lives while fully demolishing the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki if they had only dropped my 3 children instead of atomic bombs.

I have yet to understand how sitting in front of a screen immobile can cause my living room to instantly resemble a war zone, but they manage to accomplish this feat.

“How did the room get so messy?” I ask

“I didn’t do it. I don’t know.”

“What were you doing?”

“Nothing! Playing the Wii and watching TV.”

The nearest understanding I can come to regarding this phenomenon is that the sheer energy contained within them must somehow eek through their pores and literally cause an inaudible, invisible explosion. It’s got to be that or their energy telekinetically moving objects around the room while they are sitting doing “nothing.”

I am desperate for a maid. Perhaps, I could just record the process without their knowledge and ship the recordings to MIT or Harvard. Surely they would pay for this kind of information, right? Then I could finally afford the housekeeper I so desperately need.

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