If you’ve read this blog from its inception, you know that I have spent the last several years really trying to tear down walls and be honest with myself and with others about who I am. It hasn’t always been easy.
Who I am isn’t always who people want me to be. Sometimes, who I am is who people want me to be, but I don’t know how to be that person well. You see, I spent years being someone other than who I am, so sometimes, I forget how to be me. Sometimes, I being authentic is uncomfortable for people. In those times, the “people pleaser” in me starts to hide the real me to make others comfortable.
But you’re here. So, I’m going to take a moment to be authentic with you and trust that you’re okay with me learning about what I do, and maybe learning a little about who I am in the process.
I am a mom
There are three young humans who need their mom. They need me on weeknights to make dinner and remind them to go to bed. They need me on weekends for phone calls when they are at their dad’s house. They are so close to “grown,” but they will always need me. And I will always be there for them.
I am a performer
My weekends, nights, sometimes days, consist of my job. I am in 2 bands, produce 2 shows a year, and perform solo and as a duo as often as I can. When I’m not on stage, I’m rehearsing, promoting, creating digital posters, scheduling, emailing…all of the things that go along with a real job. Some people have two or three people doing what I do for their business. I have me. This is my “day job.”
I am a writer
This is my “side hustle.” I wrote for the local paper and a local magazine. My articles for the magazine cover the local music scene and, as often as I can, I shine a light on the musicians in our area because they are the lifeblood that keep creative thinking alive in a city. Their success is critical to the continued growth of area.
I am a songwriter
This is the part that’s gotten pushed to the back burned for the last 4 years. This is the part I’m starting to feed again. This is the reason I’m working on an album that will be out in November. This is the part of me that longs to connect with others. This is the space where I allow myself to be vulnerable, and through that, allows others to open up, as well.
I have a boyfriend who loves me enough to be happy with the time I have left after I’m done being all those things. He believes in me, and helps me in a hundred big and little ways that make it possible for me to do what I do.
I have friends and family who are always have my back and encourage me to pursue my dreams.
I have fans who love to hear my music and want to hear more of it!
Making this album may seem crazy…may not seem to make any sense…may seem reckless, but all of these people are why I know it’s right.
These are the people who know me – who see me – who love me – who keep me strong when I don’t believe in myself.
They believe in me. They remind me its okay to be myself.